I was working as a waiter in a cocktail bar, that much is true. Things were going well. I was eating three solids a day with two snacks, and my bottle habit was limited to 16 ounces of organic.
Life was sweet.
Then the recession hit. It hit hard!
My three a day became one a day, and it was rarely a weight watcher friendly meal.
I fell behind in rent. The security officer in the gated complex where I was living ( I got great tips as a waiter) was once a close buddy.
Once he learned a Hanukkah bonus wasn't going to cross his palm, he was all too happy to give me my walking papers.
Life was feeling like a downhill slide with big, snarly dogs at the bottom.
My bad luck continued. My trusty Jalopy died on me! You just have to laugh about these things when the poopy storm hits.
I hit the sippy cup, and I hit it hard. I drank the cheapest agua I could find, and lots of it.
My lowest was pretty low. I was eating rubber t-bone steaks from the 1980s and smelled like the inside of the worst rest stop you've ever been in.
Don't worry, though. You can't keep a good toddler down for long. I got back on my horse and returned to living the good life. I have four amazing women to thank for that...
What turned life around for me? Well, I snuck into see Sex and the City Two and I adopted the mantra those sassy women seem to live by: Change your outfit, change your outlook, change your life!
I was working as a waiter in a cocktail bar, that much is true. Things were going well. I was eating three solids a day with two snacks, and my bottle habit was limited to 16 ounces of organic. 
Life was sweet. 
Then the recession hit. It hit hard!
My three a day became one a day, and it was rarely a weight watcher friendly meal. 
I fell behind in rent. The security officer in the gated complex where I was living ( I got great tips as a waiter) was once a close buddy.
Once he learned a Hanukkah bonus wasn't going to cross his palm, he was all too happy to give me my walking papers. 
Life was feeling like a downhill slide with big, snarly dogs at the bottom.
My bad luck continued. My trusty Jalopy died on me! You just have to laugh about these things when the poopy storm hits.
I hit the sippy cup, and I hit it hard. I drank the cheapest agua I could find, and lots of it. 
My lowest was pretty low. I was eating rubber t-bone steaks from the 1980s and smelled like the inside of the worst rest stop you've ever been in.
Don't worry, though. You can't keep a good toddler down for long. I got back on my horse and returned to living the good life. I have four amazing women to thank for that...
What turned life around for me? Well, I snuck into see Sex and the City Two and I adopted the mantra those sassy women seem to live by: Change your outfit, change your outlook, change your life!
7 comments:
you're nuts!
Why would you ever change your outfit when you have on a PONCHO??????
No, sorry. Correction: the four amazing, sassy women in his life are a bit closer to home: His mama, his tante K. and the two oldsters: Nanny & Grandma. So there!
Molly, you should really consider a career in writing!
The girly-man poncho (lacking only bobbles to complete the indignity) - the standard-issue homeless guy's watch-cap pulled over the eyes -pushing all his worldly possessions in a sad little shoppy cart - can we help??
You CAN help, just send your bank account info directly to mollyjane1978@yahoo.com.
You CAN help, just send your bank account info directly to mollyjane1978@yahoo.com.
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