Dinner for One

Hi folks, Ellis here. You may not know this about me, but I am a solitary creature. One of the most DIVINE pleasures, in my humble opinion, is to dine alone. Mommy and daddy are constant attention grabbers, and when I am with them I feel I can't just....BE. I would like to tell you about a recent excursion I took to a tiny little hole-in-the-wall establishment. I have a knack for finding undiscovered culinary gems where only the freshest ingredients and the most skilled servers work. This particular haunt  is called "Friendly's." Text me if you want the address-- I am pretty sure they aren't listed.  

For other adventurous diners like myself, I highly recommend the Apple and Green Straw combo. The red straw is also good (very fresh!) but I can't say I suggest the blue straw. 

I met the chef. Very authentic--he wore the hat and everything. And handsome. Sweet sassy molassey that guy is a looker!

The best part about coming to Friendly's (aka "Oyster Pantalon Malodorantes" to those in-the-know) alone, is the pleasure of being with me! I told me an amazing joke there just last week. Oh, you should have been there! But you weren't, because I didn't invite you!

My waitress and I have a great repor. I call her "Hot Buns" and she calls me "Highly Inappropriate," which is a bit long-winded as far as nicknames go, but it has a nice ring to it. 

I have to tell you, other than the blue straws (they will go right up your nose, there is no way to eat them) everything at Friendly's is edible. The Triangle Signage is a signature dish. It is best served cold with just a hint of gummified ketchup.

Don't get me started on the placemats! DIVINE!!

When my stomach is full, I call for Hot Buns and have my remaining cardboard wrapped up. It isn't AS good the next day, but it is far better than anything my mother cooks for me.

Bottom line-- I am hoping this review of a tiny-no name establishment goes viral. I heard recently that a lady somewhere in the midwest wrote about a tiny place called "Olive Garden" and now the place is really famous. I only hope I can bring that notoriety to "Oyster Pantalon Malodorantes"